morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
