I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
