Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
