Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
