Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
