My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
