I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
