My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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