Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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