i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
