he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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