yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
