You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
