make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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