just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
