I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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