I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think my vagina is haunted
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
