Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You pole danced in your parka.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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