I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
