I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
