his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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