the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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