He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
