I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
