Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
