I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
