Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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