I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
