Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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