my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
