...so i touched it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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