Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
