I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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