I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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