There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
