my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
