you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
