Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
