I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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