I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I smell like Dick and happiness
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
