when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
