The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
