Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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