Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
