I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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