I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Randomize
