You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
