be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
