I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
