Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish my penis had an off switch
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
