brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize