I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
