Screwed.edu
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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