what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
two words: eviction party
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
