Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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