talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
