I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
