I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
