this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize