i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
