Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize