YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
