worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
