wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
