I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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