I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
