okay pat passed out under dana's car
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Less talking, more tequila
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize