omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
