6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
