Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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