ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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