Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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