A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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