i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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