Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize