If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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