just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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