so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
