I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
