Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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