Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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