Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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