Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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