I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
