I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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