so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
