Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
