Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
