maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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