I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
