All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
