I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
