Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
