we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
