so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize