why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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