fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
